Balls: sparkly, splashy and otherwise May 25, 2009

So last week I was 15 minutes early to a lunch meeting and saw a store going out of bizness.  I went in twice in the next few days and “cleaned them out of Baby Jesuses”  by which I mean I got every last sparkly snowflake and 10 light up sparkly balls (glitter, not mirror) for which to decorate the EZ up tent for 5th grade Social Butterfly’s We’re-Done-With-SOL-Testing (random) party.  Older daughter begged a sleepover elsewhere.  Wise, that one.

Behold the beauty!

Also, my big’un scored numerous balls-in-net this weekend, even during the rain.  They won the hole dang tourney.  WhattaStud.

Yesterday at church I had to conference with 2 “helpful” teens “leading” small groups with 5-6-7 year olds.  The one told a kid, “If you take your nametag off then your mom will never come back for you.”  Nice. 

The other one said…to his group of boys…AT CHURCH…where we’re learning about LOVE and KINDNESS and RESPECT  “Only little dumb girls like Star Wars.”  Are.  You.  Kidding.  Me.

Dude.  I’m so firing all my under-20 volunteers.

Today we are bravely hosting some families-with-young-children.  They, too will need to summon the courage because, although  I am determined that no one will frighten them with sarcasm; sadly, we no longer have Kid Toys…and that’s a little terrifying.  We are all about the inappropriate Guitar Hero lyrics up in here as well as dangerous sports like skateboarding in traffic, bicycling with headphones, ripsticking down the front steps, canal swamp-wading and the ever popular break the fence/window with testosterone-induced soccer ball bullets. 

But I think I may go get me a Crazy Daisy and some splashy balls.  Because what’s more fun than unstable spitting foliage and pegging your friend with soggy polyester?

 

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Alphabetical Gratitude-modified slightly May 23, 2009

Alphatical gratitude is a helpful Anti-depressant I learned from my Adopted G’ma W.  Blessings are all around us at all times, even when we’re Cranky.  This is the Day that the Lord has made…  Everyone I meet today may have something to teach or show me.  Fajitas would be really good right now.  Gratitude is an exercise in discipline.  Health cannot be underestimated…ask the Infirmed.  Just when you think you can’t take another step, God shows his hand.  Krispy Kreme donuts taste best when dropped off at your front door unexpectedly by  Lovely, Mrs. Neighbor who Opts to Pool-the-car Quietly to Rush Soccer practice Twice a week Under Varying degrees of traffic challenges.  When I think about the Wonderful opportunities and Wise co-workers and Wacky family and friends I’m surrounded with I can’t help but be eXtremely humbled and filled with joy Yesterday, today and forever.  Zappos.com 

Amen

Because apparantly I feel the need for a 6th job May 20, 2009

I know, I know, we’re in a recession.  There’s a shortage of jobs out there.

I think it may be my fault.

I can’t stop signing up to do things.  I just came this [ ] close to initiating myself into making thousands daily by becoming a freelance writer in my own home.  For the low low price of a mere $69.95 if you act now.  It was the old ego that caused me to click on the link.  I would write more if people paid me, right?  But I’m not paying them, now;  that would just be nonsense.  Right? 

So, alas, no additional job opportunity for me.

Instead I remain faithfully driving all across Hampton Roads, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake & NAWfik to various and asundry Hardee’s and grading their cashiers, cooks and managers for BOGO sausage biscuits & reimbursement.  Shhh don’t tell…it’s a secret.

AND also driving to numerous public and parochial schools teaching elementary students how to use a pipette.  (SQUEEZE while hovering in the air.  Place into beaker of water.  UNSQUEEZE (I’d like to trademark that word, please) slowly and do not I repeat do NOT squirt your lab partner or pipette go bye bye)).

AND trekking daily  to Spring Branch Community Church to change sets & props so that Macy Mixer can spring to life each weekend and help kids learn about Jesus.

AND long-term substitute teaching Special Ed down the street for the final 2 weeks of school if my fingerprints come back “clean.”  What are the chances of THAT?

AND Pampering Chefs across the neighborhood/city/state/world.  Maybe THIS will motivate me to clean out the pantry?  And cook an actual meal for my OWN family??

Not to mention negotiating referee jobs/babysitting/party planning/event security  for my teens & tweens.

It’s all good in the hood.  Like they say, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

Pass the bon bons.  I’ll take “She Works Hard For The Money” for 1000 Alex.

More Life May 12, 2009

So the 9 year old lost his first molar. He writes a letter to the “Tooth Fairy.” He even asked me “how do you write those [finger quotes]? So he knew what ” “finger quotes”" are but the concept of written quotation marks eludes him.  Riiiiight.

So of course I forget to “tell” the “Tooth Fairy.”

I “remind” the 4th grader that it sometimes takes “her” 3 or 4 nights to make all the “rounds” and deliver all the “deserved scrilla.”  He’s not disappointed, he’s downright mad.

That night at dinner he comes down to show us the $10.oo he got from the “Tooth Fairy.”

I know I didn’t put it there.

I KNOW his DAD didn’t put it there.

“Go get your letter and show it to dad.”  We are bewildered especially after seing this addition.

The tooth was still there in the tooth-shaped container from school.

I’m not positive it wasn’t THE REAL tooth fairy…

…but I tipped the cleaning ladies BIG TIME!

Over My Dead Body May 8, 2009

We were at the dentist office, establishing care, my wise 13 year old and me. You know how they hit middle school and suddenly they Know Everything? Yeah. That one.

The friendly paperwork goddesses were busy tapping away and filing all manner of documentation for the assorted Hendrii and passed my drivers license back to me.

Omniscient-ish Teen looks carefully at my ID and gasps:

“You are an organ donor?”

“Yes.”

She looks me up and down…and in complete and total seriousness asks:

“Which one did you give them?”

Ah, life.