That’s right…you heard me. I subbed for middle school. Yes, yes…I am, in fact, out of my mind because I did it TWICE! My very first subbing job was for Art at Discovery Middle School (how fun is that?) Totally! Well, almost totally…because I did get to use Aqua Net (aka: haaaaar-spuh-raaaaaeeeey) to finish some lovely chalk drawings completed that day by very hard working and mature 8th graders. The needy 6th graders did some folding/tracing projects and those pesky think-they’re-omniscient 7th graders did not do even one thing they were supposed to. Ears green and all, I mistakenly believed that chatting up the troublemakers would make my life easier for that 3-days-long 50 minute period. One of the more outspoken hellians was attempting to chat me up in order to get me to give his buddy a detention. I wasn’t about to admit the fact that this particular process had not been part of my training, so I just let him keep talking. “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you’ll give him one.” “Wow. (appropriately unimpressed) $100.00?” “Yeah, and I have it too…(with Trumpesque pride) I mow for my job and I have $100.00.” “Mowing…that’s good money…” And here was my fatal follow up question: “Do you push or ride?”
The entire table of ‘worldly’ 13 year olds pauses, looks at each other gasping and gaping with chins hanging, then erupts in wide-eyed laughter with each other at that hilariously “dirty” question. “O. M. G.! The sub has no idea what she just said.” Big-13-year-old Daddy leans back in his chair and proudly declares with the voice of experience, “Oh, I push alright.” Suddenly I’m whisked back to 1981 where every sentence uttered at Jefferson Middle School was also taken dirty and I nod as I remember. And that was WAY before “that’s what she said.”
“Alright. That’s enough.”
Great! Now I’m my mom AND my teachers!
Next post: Middle School “Music” (as if!)