I went to a baby shower on Saturday and realized what a jaded mom-of-teens I had become.
Wow…An 8 pack of onesies! That’ll really help when it’s slamming its door and rolling its eyes at you. You can make it wash the car with them.
OoooOOOooo a pacifier that takes the baby’s temperature…I’m sure it will soothe AND quiet a baby with 103.7 temperature so that both parents can be well rested for the big meeting tomorrow and you won’t at all have to cancel in order to go to the 3rd doctor’s visit in a week.
700 newborn Swaddler diapers. For to poop out the sides of and all over that shiny multicolored Mac Daddy carseat. Enjoy! They’ll be destroying your MomMobile in a multitude of ways for MAAAAANY more years to come with french fries and soccer socks and Slurpees.
I was so determined to succeed as a new mom. I lost weight, I went for walks, we discovered Gymboree and matching outfits with color coordinated burp cloths. Even with 4 kids under 5 we went camping and to the library and on road trips. People ALWAYS were stopping me and saying:
1) Are they all yours?
2) You better enjoy them while they’re young.
3) Ouch! Stop ramming me with your stroller!
But the thing I hate more than anything is that those Grocery Store Strangers were right. Nowadays my formerly beloved ex-toddlers take turns hating their dad and me. For inane things such as GPA expectations and unreasonable curfews and inappropriate text messages. And lemme just say I’m not too fond of them & their sulky “whatever” attitudes quite honestly.
If only we had saved the money we spent on Disney movies, we might be able to pay this month’s cell phone bill.
If only we stretched the New Clothes Every Day allowance from birth to 5 and returned half of those baby/toddler/preschool coordinating clothes we could have invested in size 10/12 skinny jeans.
If only we had bought less jars of food (Oh, the detested Jar Shopping) and mashed up more bananas, we would be eating less Ramen noodles today and could afford a pizza every now & then.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Except I do love them…attitudes and all.