Tooth Fairy, Shmooth Flairy


We are totally and completely with surprising velocity exiting the rhelm of fantasy and mystery in my household and we’re thick into reality, drama and negative cash flow all the way down to our youngest family member.  I walked in my youngest’s room today to find this.  A duo of pulled molars.  Along with a ransom note.  This one isn’t even addressed to the Tooth Fairy but right to us.

tooth ransom note

It reads, “$30 please Mom or Dad sign here first and last name please.”

At least he’s using his manners.

So I’m at a loss as to what to address first.  We have the mathematical challenge, as the last note he addressed to the tooth fairy asked for $10 (since it was a molar).  If one tooth equals $10 then how does 2 equal $30?  He’s either really bad at math…or really good at sales.

Then we have the whole recession challenge.  As in, we couldn’t even afford to PAY you $30 if you actually DID EXTRA chores around here over and above the ones you are supposed to do but don’t.  I’m just afraid that might crush his little spirit.

THEN we have the need/want debate which, in my head goes something like, “IF YOU HAD $30 would you be responsible and put 10% in the bank, give 10% to the Lord and save the rest for Christmas gifts for your siblings, because it doesn’t really matter if they like it or not, it’s all about the giving?  No.  You’d whine & complain and beg me to take you to Target for $30 worth of  candy and tech decks.”  ((Insert sound of our hopes and dreams when he was born for his future personality bursting into flames)).

And, furthermore, what sort of role model would I be for his future wife if I behaved as if everything that falls out of or off of his body is something worthy of keeping, much less, PAYING FOR?  Dude.  You are my son and you’re cute but you are NOT.  ALL.  THAT.  You are welcome, Future Daughter In Law.

A good Friend/Sister (Frister) and ever- neighbor-across-the-miles gave me the brilliant solution that when her children make noises about knowing What’s What she and her husband simply remind them “If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.”

Now THIS is just the sort of cop-out response I was looking for.  That’s the way to replay to a ransom note written by a 10 year old.

Sorry ’bout yer luck, Jr.  Good look with the whole tooth business venture, though.

Maybe you can sell ’em to the bead store.


5 responses »

  1. This was so funny/entertaining I pulled it up on my blackberry and read it aloud to Matt on our way to go camping. We had a good laugh. You two are parental rock stars– and it sounds like you have a future lawyer on your hands… Yeah, good luck with that.

  2. Shannon~And this is your gift. You take the ordinary and make it extraordinarily FUNNY!!! Love the Daughter-in-Law angle =0) And MWAH~from across the miles.

  3. Hey, I`m not admitting that I am old but…our personal tooth fairy gave our kids a quarter that eventuakky graduated to a dollar…talk about being broke…….

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