Monthly Archives: March 2010

Help me, Stevie Wonder


Maybe you’ve seen it…the commercial where The Sun is making breakfast for his family & singing “I love making breakfast for my family.” 

Then he sings a tune that I KNOW but CAN’T FIGURE OUT.

“Yes, I’m cooking up some eggs right here, with some sausage to follow.”

.38 special?  The Cars?  I’VE HEARD THAT TUNE! 


Nice to meet you, Thirsty


Buncha ladies just left my house after Bible Study and one question we discussed is still rolling around in my head.

“How do you ‘remember’ … the Lord’s Supper?”

We talked about how often our churches observe it.  How long it takes.  Who does or doesn’t come forward.  We talked about how it was done when we were kids.  We talked about being faced with our personal short-comings and how that’s WHY we remember.

But we didn’t really talk about what happens after we eat & drink.

One time when I heard the scriptures read about the body & blood of Jesus broken & poured out for us (me) and the line “Do this, as oft as you drink/eat of it, and remember me”  I wondered if Jesus meant every single time his disciples ate or drank ANYTHING, he would like to be remembered. 

So as I sat in the quiet, recently tidied-up-for-company kitchen, I ate and drank.  I remembered and prayed.  And I thought.

I initially eat because I’m hungry.  The food itself instantly satisfies a minor physical ache, but that’s just the beginning.  Once chewed and swallowed, what I eat begins releasing nutrition all over the body providing energy so that my body can function throughout the day.  In other words, what I take in (well, most of it)  is necessary, active, and useful. 

And that got me thinking about the Body of Believers.  I take part & reflect on the Lord’s Supper but is that all I’m called to do?  After I leave The Table am I going forth  fortifying the rest of The Body?  Am I easily digested or am I causing discomfort, bloating or swelling?  Am I really adding nutritious elements to the body or just “empty calories?” 

Then there’s the drink.  I thought about the “fruit of the vine” and how it may have been the safest drink there was at the time.  Celebratory.  Tasty.  Costly.  Though I was only drinking water, I thought about the effort that would have gone into making THAT cup of water clean and useful for my body.  The first guest to arrive that morning said, “I don’t want any ice. ”   Is my temperature palatable and appropriate for The Body’s needs and preferences?  Hot & soothing or cold & refreshing as the need presents itself?

I thought about how I don’t always realize how dehydrated I am.  I heard a story once about a guy who, when his kids whined saying “I’m thirsty,”  he would respond  “Nice to meet you, Thirsty.”  I thought about how thirst is the very first layer of the drink’s usefulness–eradicating discomfort.  But how much more use there is for the water other than quenching thirst!   All the body functions and the body itself cannot exist without the presence of enough water.  What % of our body is made up of water anyway?  I’ll tell you…A LOT% that’s how much.   More than half, isn’t it?  Kinda like the earth? 

As a member of the Body of Christ, am I accepting the bread & cup and finding myself satisfied?  After that, am I then at work to participate quenching thirst in some other weary traveler?  Am I comforting and useful for the body?  Am I palatable to the parts of the body I come into contact with?   And more importantly, am I a willing participant in the cleansing process that makes me ready and available for service?

May it be so, Lord.  Make it so. 

Bon appetit!

And now, a moment with Dr. Phil


Dear American Idol Top 11,

We all have an off day/week/song.  I feel your elimination pain. 

I am imagining how you have all manner of stage managers, music directors, PR people, wardrobe designers, photographers, commercial directors and assorted other media people barking directions and tips and “don’t forgets” at you all the time.  It’s probably safe to say that your 2 minutes on stage each week is THE ONLY time you are able to hear yourself think right alongside the panic of not forgetting the words.  Then you get to stand & smile through the torturous judges’ debatable assessments and make number fingers for the camera to try to save yourself. 

Right about now you may be realizing this is not what you signed up for on that Golden Ticket day. 

Can I just say, remember today that everyone blew it?  Kelly blew it.  Reuben blew it.  God knows Taylor Hicks blew it.  Daughtry even blew it.  It’s all part of the (scripted) UNscripted drama.  Part of the formula is this midway point where we all think that none of you are any good which sets up the big moment where we all realize that you (winner or 2nd place loser) were our favorite ALL ALONG. 

So today I’m telling you what I’m telling myself.  You are not done yet. 

And also?  A little bit of crazy goes a long way.

You know who you are.

Onward to Upward


A few weeks ago I auditioned for the role of soccer coach. 

There was precious little competition, so I got the  part. 

My brilliant plan:

Step 1:  Ask my Omnipotent-in-all-things-soccer Freshman Boy to coach it with me.  And by “with” I mean “for.”  He knows this. 

He was stoked and thought my idea was sick.  (Both terms = positive) 

Step 2 of Brilliant CoachSoccer Plan was to see if the 12 year old novice (aka:  noob) soccer playing daughter would go for it.  She currently alternates between horror and clingy where we her parents are concerned.  Surprisingly, she was excited at this prospect.  Even when I told her that her older brother would be doing it with (for) me.   I think she thinks she’ll get more playing time.  Or less.  Who knows what she wants these days.

So off we go to our very first Upward Soccer  practice last week.  Sadly, it was rained out, but since the kids & parents (& coaches) were all BEYOND excited, we held a short meeting in the gym during our practice time.  It began with what Assistant (to the) Head Soccer Coach calls “The Awkward Circle.”

Him:  Every soccer team I’ve ever been a part of my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE has had what I like to call “The Awkward Circle.” 

Me:   Did your coaches call it that?

Him:  No.  It’s a phrase I coined myself.  It’s the thing where you all get in a circle, pass the ball to each other and the Coach says, (in his best nerdy voice) ‘Now when someone passes you the ball, say your name and something about yourself…such as…your favorite ice cream flavor.’   (back to regular voice now)  We are SOOOO doing The Awkward Circle.   Also, Mom?  You do all the preaching.  I’ll do all the skills.  

(sidebar)  Upward is a sports program where sportsmanship is emphasized and self-esteem and character are built through team devotions, Bible verses and prayer during practice and game day.  That is the part my son was entrusting to me.  And attempting to weasel out of. 

He got very nervous as we drove up to the church gym.  As it turns out, the Awkward Circle was a hit and we got to meet each player on our team and their favorite team color.  We have six players and three of them are named…and I’m not kidding…Jayson, Kayson, and Graycn.  They are not related.  I bet God thinks this is funny.  

Our first real practice was last night.  Outside.  With a painted field, flags on sticks, cones, the works.  Oh and also?  My Assistant (to the) Head Coach?  had to play for his own high school team.  AT the same very exact time as our assigned practice.   Heavy sigh.  More laughter from God.

I was as nervous attempting to begin a structured practice for eager 4th-6th grade soccer players in their shiny new cleats & bumpy shin guard filled socks as he had been for our rained out Parent meeting.  Fortunately, and with yet MORE laughter from God I’m sure, our huddle verse was from Proverbs 2:6  “Only the Lord gives wisdom.  Knowledge and understanding come from Him.”  Which is classic, since I talked about how when we ask, God will give us everything we need to know, right when we need to know it. 

Turns out I know a few things about soccer after all.  Like how you have to throw the ball with two hands over your head and keep both feet on the ground.  And that you kick it with the side of your foot, not your toe.  And that players need to spread out from each other and get what the other legit coaches and I like to call “open.”  So with God’s help, I handled the first practice somewhat fine without the benefit of my Assistant (to the) Head Coach and we all  left knowing a little bit more about God & soccer.

Then the 12-year-old reminds me when we get back in the car.  “Mom.  You forgot to pray with the team.”

Oh well.  There’s always next week!  *


*unless, of course, Jesus comes back before next Monday!  (See previous post)

What if Jesus came back right now?


I am a fairly completely NON-political person, but the earthquakes and the after-shocks, and the recession, and the health care reform bill all has me wondering if Jesus is tying his shoes.

If so, here is a list, inspired by Matt of what I DON’T want to be doing.

1.  Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of the Smiley Face, I will fear no evil fashion choices.

2.  Now that my youngest is a big 4th grader and all 4 kids are deathly ashamed of me, I pray I never again have to be on one of these:

 No.  No warm, soft gummie bears for me.   Bawm Bawm.  Chicka Chicka.

3.  Breezewood, PA   I have been on the trek from Virginia Beach to Plymouth, MI too many times over the last 2.5 years and it is almost impossible to not stop here:

…but the first time we stopped here, our car battery died so we spent the night at a hotel only to find that there was no running water there.  Once the battery was charged, we were back on the road but the horn wouldn’t stop honking.  The second time we stopped here, we got The Sickness.   Just keep it moving, people. 

4.   A Dog Wedding

I have a dog.  I love my dog.  But my dog is a DOG. 

And now, here are the top 5 places Jesus is likely to find me, if it’s soon:

1.  Sonic

“Large Strawberry Limeade with a shot of watermelon, please.”

2.  Soccer Field

3.  Justin Bieber concert

 I have a 12 year old daughter.  There’s nothing I can do.

4.  Pool

I will be so proud of myself if I’m raptured while swimming!  

5.  at my computer

Even so, Lord, quickly come!

We The People


(sing it with me)

…in order to form a more perfect union


PROvide for the common defense

proMOTE the general welfare a-and

secure the blessings of liberty

to ourselves and our posterity

do ordain and esta-a-a-blish

this Cons-ti-tu-tiiiiioooooon

fo-or the

United States o-o-of


My 8th grader was chosen to be a part of a social studies Q & A competition regarding the Constitution.  Their team did well in Districts and so were able to compete this past weekend in Richmond at The Court of Appeals.  She was initially a little concerned about being associated with “smart people” but that challenge quickly evaporated once she found out how “normal” other “smart people” can be.  As well as “cute.”

I must say, I believe my IQ went up several hundred points as well after sitting in for several of the mock hearings.  My daughter’s portion covered “Who is John Locke” and I was so pleased she didn’t reference LOST.  She spoke with clarity and eloquence and didn’t slouch.  I was beaming.   One of the main speakers kept referring to the Constitution as a “miraculous document” and actually got me to care just a tiny wee little bit.  I do take my freedom for granted.  But I also daily celebrate being done with all manner of social studies classes.   So there’s that.

Our school’s team placed 4th in the State (beating a neighboring middle school–“I got your blessings of liberty RIGHT HERE!”) and celebrated at the Starbucks.

And I can NOT overestimate the domestic tranquility of parenting only one child for the entire whole weekend.  Those founding fathers knew of which they spoke.  Of establishing.  Of. 

Idol Recap Girls

Crystal Bowersox – “Long As I Can See Light” – Loved.  It.  Not familiar with the song, but I thought she rocked it.
Haeley Vaughn – “The Climb” – Played.  Love her.  Hope she makes it & nails something next week.
Lacey Brown – “Kiss Me” –  Song was OK but DANG, did you SEE that awesome giant flower necklace?  WANT IT.
Katie Stevens – “Put Your Records On” – She did so much better with this song than that leggy girl a few seasons back.  She’s solid, but I get that ‘old’ vibe too. 
Didi Benami – “Lean On Me” – I didn’t think it was as bad as the judges said.  Love her.  Hope she stays.
Michelle Delamor – “Arms Wide Open” – Buh bye.
Lily Scott – “Change Is Gonna Come” – 2nd Favorite
Katelyn Epperly – “The Scientist” – I thought she nailed it.  She’ll stay.
Paige Miles – “Walk Away” – She’s good, but this song was blah.  I don’t think idols should sing other idols…too “themey”  When ARE they making them sing themes? 
Siobhan Magnus – “Think” – I was dying for that polka-dotted tee to turn into lace or a black bolero–so very distracting.  I did NOT think she hit that big note.  She’s bizarre.  So bizarre, it just.  might.  work.
Ellen–a polka dot ascot.  Really??!?
Randy–lose the camp-strung colored necklace.  I’m over it.
Kara–rock that freak show ponytail
Simon–Would it KILL you to wear a color?  I choose teal, green or red.  I double dog dare ya.
And you?  What do you think of my opinion?

Idol recap

That’s right.  I’m out of stories/pictures/creativity today but desiring to be more consistent.  Caving to the blog-a-TV-recap genre:
Michael Lynche – “This is a Man’s World” – Best of the night but not my favorite.
John Park – “Gravity” – meh
Casey James – “I Don’t Wanna Be” – Good not great.  No danger.
Alex Lambert – “Everybody Knows” – Favorite
Todrick Hall – “What’s Love Got to Do With It” – Buh bye.
Jermaine Sellers – “What’s Going On” – FroHawk,  I don’t think you inquired of God about the bowtie.  I’m just sayin’.
Andrew Garcia – “You Give Me Something” – Rocked the Drew Carey glasses and it didn’t sound pitchy to me, but whatdoI know.
Aaron Kelly – “My Girl” –  Almost liked it.
Tim Urban – “Come On Get Higher” – Put him on Glee.  Or better yet, Community College Musical.
Lee Dewyze – “Lips of an Angel” – 2nd favorite
Kara— red dress, one-shoulder bling-age.  Getting prettier and prettier, though the hubby didn’t like the plastered back hair.  
***That’s “plastered-back” hair not “plastered back-hair.”  Just to be clear.***
Randy–Did some producer-type person make him stop saying “yo” and “dawg?”  He may even have a language coach.  Complete sentences.  Word.
Simon–Has a point, but sadly not enough buttons.   Someone give that man a sewing kit.   Seriously, some snaps?  A shirt zipper?  Velcro perhaps?
Ellen— Didn’t get that clothing allowance she was lobbying for.  Did she.
So what’djoo think?

Speaking of…


So the 15 year old has come up with a new game.  It is hilarious and much to his delight I am no good at it.  I don’t even think he would call it a “game” per se, but it provides much entertainment on the ride across town to church, practice, etc.  I call it:

“Speaking Of”

So what you do is tack on a random disconnected phrase to the end of someone’s sentence using the last thing they mentioned.  Here are a few examples.

“I’m so tired…I stayed up way too late last night.”

“Speaking of staying up late, I love apple juice.”

“Speaking of apple juice, I gotta get new shoes.”

“Speaking of new shoes, what’s for dinner?”

And on it goes. 

I am terrible because I can never connect something random and unrelated in the proper comedic timing.  Kinda like Michael Scott playing the Alphabet game.

Try it at home, work, or school and report back to me here.   Consider yourselves my personal Speaking Of trainers.