Monthly Archives: March 2013

Expecting an Adult


I feel like I am pregnant right now…with an adult. I’m about to deliver an adult out of the womb of our home and family into the harshly lit and sometimes cold world of college, jobs, roommates, love connections, bills, and responsibilities. He will find people poking at him, messing with him and taking him away from where he used to be. And so I’m just about as freaked out as I was in 1994 the weeks before he was born.
I remember so clearly turning the calendar page and being ready to GET. HIM. OUT. Oh, how history repeats itself.
I ponder, as I did then, what he will be like, how he will respond to us, and how we will change as a couple. We were made into a family with his birth, and we will have a huge shift in our home with his departure. His younger sisters and brother mirror my duality: GO! STAY! Can I have your room? When are you coming back?
There is great celebration in the air as there was before: a sign in our yard, a ceremony, family coming together, a party with gifts, special meals being planned. I like the festivities part.
There is the reading and the preparations and many financial questions: “How are we going to do this? Have you seen how much diapers cost? Have you SEEN how much BOOKS cost?”
And soon it will be TIME. Time to leave my everyday place and go to my sometimes place—which will now become HIS everyday place. Not mine.
I miss those kicks when he was in my belly, but I traded them up for varsity soccer letters, a captain’s arm band, and a last-second game winning goal. I miss seeing that sweet infant face I got to watch fall asleep, but I traded up for a face that laughs at my sarcasm and cheeses for the camera. I miss his chubby hand reaching for mine, but I exchanged it for hands that can factor polynomials and erase mistakes quickly. I miss knowing that everything I do, feel, and say influences him, but I am now able to be influenced by him for the better.
I am delivering a grown up to the world. You’re welcome.

cell phone pix feb april 2013 444