I have been thinking about haters for over a month now. I actually thought I didn’t have any or wouldn’t have any. And then one showed up around 7am on the day that our START assignment was to ignore them—or at the very least, don’t give their opinion too much weight.
Only she was calling me out for something I did that she didn’t like. She wasn’t really hating me, she just wasn’t getting her way, wasn’t being patient, and was acting poorly. And she was doing all that AT me.
I don’t really think it is accurate for me to call her a 3D “hater” because:
1) She doesn’t know me well enough to hate me and
2) She and I weren’t on the same timetable for the favor she was requesting of me.
Her thought was ASAP, mine was in a day or two. She found this unreasonable.
Her online spew AT ME caused me shock & surprise, which feels oddly like outrage. I immediately began mentally listing things I already am doing and became extremely defensive and rebellious—wanting to make her wait. At the same time, I battled within my mind over doing a better job with more time vs making her happy by doing it NOW but substandard. Furthermore, I was no longer in the right frame of mind to fulfill her request in her way OR mine. Because it had to do with writing, which is on my to do list for the risk I wanted to take that round, I felt even more thwarted if I ignored her request completely. Although I succeeded in not responding to her rant, I did not do so well with the “ignoring.” She is VERY hard to ignore in real life AND online.
In the end, on that same day I ended up giving her a version of what she asked for, although it would have been a better version had she waited. So who won? Was it a tie? What was the desired outcome? I find myself a peacemaker, but should I have truly avoided and ignored this request for an “above and beyond” ministry favor from someone in the church? I don’t know. I was paralyzed creatively until I got that task off my plate. Afterwards she kind of gave me a “was that so hard?” kind of attitude vs true gratitude, but that part I can ignore with ease.
My definition of a real live 3D hater is someone who knows you, defies you, and comes against you at every turn. This person may be jealous, hurting or both.
My definition of a START hater is a pesky stranger who pops up at inconvenient times when you are focused on your goal and about to do something risky or awesome and triggers the internal voices—be they negative, self-defeating, or just plain distracting.
Some haters love you but hate your dream. Don’t ignore them.
Some haters hate you but love your dream. Don’t ignore them either.
Some haters hate you and your dream. Others hate everybody and all their dreams too.
Those are the ones to ignore.